tainted
by MissingMommy
Summary: When Avery and Lucius approach Rodolphus to join the Death Eaters, his life is forever changed. :: Rodolphus/Bellatrix, unrequited!Rodolphus/Rabastan.


For big sis/lil sis comp with the prompts: character – Rodolphus Lestrange, word – first, phrase – life changing, emotion – bitter, item – lock.

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Before you have a chance to make it up the stairs, to the Great Hall, a pair of hands grab onto your arm, pulling you into an alcove. "Lestrange," a voice says.

Immediately, you stop struggling, recognizing the voice. "Avery. If you wanted to talk, all you had to do was ask," you say easily. "It would've been more effective than this." You motion to your surrounds. "I'm sure we could've worked something out."

Avery just smirks. "Had to make sure you weren't being followed." There's a brief pause before he continues. "I'm sure you have heard about a revolution rising."

"You mean Volde–"

"Don't speak his name!" he hisses at you. "But yes. The Dark Lord is rising. He's becoming powerful. And he can use allies like you, powerful ones."

You give him a questioning glance. "Allies?" It's meant as a question, but it sounds more like a statement. "What makes you think that a person as powerful as he is said to be needs allies like us?"

Another voice fills the alcove, startling you. "Because one man armies never get anything done by themselves. We can help him purify magic once more. We will be remembered, honored, respected for it."

You turn toward the source of the voice, seeing blond hair that is unmistakably Malfoy's. You consider the words, and you can't help but agree that it sounds irresistible when it's said like that. But you also know what they are asking for.

They are asking for loyalty and the willingness to give up your life for a cause. But you have a brother, a brother worth living for, and you don't know if you're willing to endanger his life and yours for one man's dream.

"As much as this sounds like a worthy cause, I'll need some time to consider it first before I make my final decision," you say diplomatically.

Malfoy looks like he's about to argue when Avery puts his hand on Malfoy's upper arm. "Of course. One week, Lestrange."

You nod your agreement and disappear out of the alcove.

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You're sitting in a corner of the common room, working on your pointless homework when a small shadow invades the light. You glance up to see your brother standing in front of you. You raise your eyebrow in question, putting your parchment to the side.

"Are you going to do it?" he asks quietly. He's small, still the smallest one of his class; but in this moment, he seems taller than he is.

"What are you talking about?"

His demeanor doesn't change, but curiosity fills his eyes. "I heard you talking with them," he explains. "Are you going to take them up on their offer to join?"

You have three days left to decide, and you're sure that he knows that. It's probably why he's asking you. You look at him, studying his features. "Do you think I should?"

Without hesitation, he takes a seat next to you. "It sounds like a worthy cause. It sounds like something worth dying for. Mudbloods are disgraces that shouldn't be allowed to be a part of our world. And this Dark Lord has a plan of ridding them." It's not an answer, and you both know that.

"You're right," you murmur. "He has a plan."

Silence rings between the two of you. He knows that you still haven't answered his question, but he doesn't ask it again. It's your favorite thing about him – he knows when to push and when not to.

You pull your assignment back into your lap, trying to forget the conversation.

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You're pinned to your bed by a pair of thighs straddling your hips. Lips ghost over your ear, "They came for you, didn't they? They want you to join!"

You know that you should feel something. There's a beautiful girl, with wild eyes and untamable hair, _straddling_ you, and you feel no excitement, no pleasure, _nothing_ by this action. Instead, to get any gratification, you find that your mind wonders about dark eyes and hard lines and your eyes close as you take a deep breath.

"Yes," you answer.

She gives you a smile, a predatory smile that makes you wonder what exactly she plans on doing to you. She leans down and kisses you roughly. When she pulls back, she looks pleased. "This is good," she purrs. "What did you tell them?"

"I will be telling them yes tomorrow," you reply.

She purrs again. And she kisses you. You let her do as she pleases, with the images of a different dark eyed beauty behind your closed eyes. She finishes, moaning a name that you are sure isn't yours. But you're too caught up in your own pleasure, found from a different source, to care what she's saying.

Your eyes snap open when you finally place the image of your pleasure. You glance down at the dark haired girl on your chest, an awful taste filling your mouth. You definitely shouldn't be thinking of another man, much less your own brother, while you're in bed with your future wife.

But you do, and you know that you're in deep.

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Avery and Malfoy approach you as you're sitting in the common room. They motion you to follow them up the stairs to your dorm. You lock the door behind them and cast a silencing charm before you turn around.

They look at you expectantly and you don't leave them waiting. "I would like to join," you say. It's a life-changing decision, you know that, but it's a cause that is worth fighting for.

"Excellent," Avery replies, looking pleased. "The Dark Lord will be happy to have you." He turns to Malfoy before looking back at you. "We'll contact you with a date and time for when you will initiated."

You nod. "I look forward to it."

Avery and Malfoy exit the dorm, leaving you without another thought.

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The dorm door flies open, and in the doorway stands your brother. Memories of days earlier, where you found pleasure from the image of him, floods your brain and you have to fight the blush that threatens to spread across your face.

He looks at you, oblivious to your discomfort. "I heard that you accepted the offer," he starts. But you have a feeling that's not the only reason he's here.

"I did," you reply. You lower your gaze to the assignments that sits in your lap.

You can hear him come closer to your bed, before it sinks down with his weight. You don't have to see him to know that he's nodding. He doesn't say anything else as you continue your homework, determined to ignore his presence. Though, it only lasts so long.

"You didn't come here for conformation. What did you come here for?" you ask, your tone laced with annoyance.

However cruel your voice sounds to him, it doesn't cause him to leave. "You've been avoiding me."

It's a statement, an accusation; not a question, but you answer it as if it is one. "I've just been busy, Rab," you argue even though you know it's a lie. Ever since your realization, you've been taking care not to spend an excessive amount of time with your brother.

Even now, you aren't looking at him. You feel his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look at him. His dark eyes are full of sadness, and it hurts you that you put that there.

"Cut the bull," he says evenly. "What is really going on?"

Your expression hardens. "I told you I've just been busy. N.E.W.T.s are coming up and graduation is coming closer. And there's still the wedding that needs to be finished before August," you ramble, trying to convince yourself.

But it doesn't work. You know that you are doing this because you have no other choice. You cannot let down your family, drag your reputation through the dirt because of an idea that love should be the ruler of the head. So you push him away, trying to outrun your thoughts, for his sake, for the sake of your family.

And it's hard, especially when he's look up at you with hurt in his eyes. But you know this is best for both of you.

His eyes narrow in disbelief. You meet his gaze, hoping that he won't say anything. And after a while, he just nods. You barely manage to bite back a sigh of relief. "I'll try to make some time soon," you say.

"If you say so," he mutters bitterly. His tone surprises you because you've never heard him sound like that. But before you can promise him anything, he leaves you alone.

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The day before you graduate, an unsigned note comes in the morning post.

_Tomorrow, eight o'clock._

You are unable to hide it before Bellatrix reaches over and snatches it out of your hands. She is so pleased that she takes you by the hand and leads you back to your dorm.

As much as you try not to, you only find gratification in the thoughts of dark eyes and hard lines. Because, somehow, you know that you will never be able to find pleasure off the thought of her. You just hope that she doesn't hear your brother's name fall out of your mouth when you're done.

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Many years later, the skin on your left wrist is tainted with the black tattoo of the Death Eaters. And there's an indentation of a ring on your finger. They are signs of decisions you've made for your family.

But there's a Rabastan sized taint on your heart that was never meant to be there, and it has you wondering if either of these decisions were right. You could've had a life with him; you could've loved him like you so desperately wanted to.

Yet, you didn't. And he is sitting somewhere in a different cell, freezing, because of your choices. He would've never joined the Death Eaters if it wasn't for you. You both wouldn't have fallen so far if things had been different.

You look down at your left arm bitterly. Yes, things should've been different.

**A/n- so many thanks to Joanna for beta-ing this for me! She's the best!**


End file.
